Call Me Now
by Atalanta Pendragonne
Summary: Detention proves at least as unleasant for Professor Snape as for the student he's tying to punish.


CALL ME NOW  
  
or  
  
Ten Ninety-Nine a Minute, Just For You  
  
  
  
Professor Snape was pleased to see Draco Malfoy in the Slytherin Common Room at precisely 7:58 A.M. The fairly obvious bruise on his chin tweaked Snape's conscience, but only slightly. Having the boy show up, early no less, was gratifying. If only Rosen, Baddock and Addams were as punctual...  
  
It was 8:03 when the three of them showed up. Arm in arm. Skipping. Worse yet, they were *singing*, in unison.  
  
"Yamerarenai yamerarenai  
  
Ikutsu ni nattemo  
  
Yamerarenai yamerarenai  
  
Shindemo baketemo umarekawattemo!"  
  
The trio giggled breathlessly, just as if Snape weren't glaring at them as one might at something unpleasant on the sole of one's shoe. It didn't help that they were dressed in the rattiest Muggle rags Snape had ever seen. The Rosen boy wore... was it 'blue jeans'?... with frayed knees and a black shirt with the word 'Tremere' on it in white. Baddock's jeans were at least in one piece, but his shirt had the inscrutable phrase 'They Might Be Giants' emblazoned on the front. The Addams girl was the worst, of course. She had on some sort of loose-fitting trousers with a bizarre blotched pattern hacked off at knee length, and a shirt that said 'I READ HOTHEAD PAISAN TO KEEP OUT OF JAIL'.  
  
He refused to give them the satisfaction of reacting to their bizarre and uncouth clothing. "You're late," he snapped.  
  
"My fault, sir," said Rosen smoothly. "Mag and Malkie had to wake me. I was up late studying for an Arithmancy test-"  
  
"Up late snogging Mandy Brocklehurst over a copy of THE GEMMATRIA OF SIMON OF TOLEDO, you mean," interrupted Mag.  
  
"That is not my concern," said Snape. "And Miss Addams, what were you doing in the boys' dormitory?"  
  
"Uh.... reaffirming my personal life choices?"  
  
Snape saw his own distaste mirrored on Malfoy's features. He gave up on conversation. "Follow me," he said irritably, and started off. He smiled in grim satisfaction at his students startled exclamations as he lead them past the school gates.  
  
"Just what sort of detention is this?" asked Draco. "Sir," he added hurriedly.  
  
"Some of the divination and Muggle studies students had an idea, a couple of years ago," Snape said. "Sort of a work study program. Utter rubbish, of course, so naturally Professor Trelawney loved it." He sneered. "I trust our good Professor Trelawney has taught you all the rudiments of Tarot Cards?"  
  
All four nodded, with varying puzzled expressions.  
  
"Mr. Rosen, Ms. Addams, Mr. baddock, you will all of course be passing familiar with the use of a telephone. You will assist Mr. Malfoy with its workings."  
  
Mag Addams began to giggle wildly, and a bright grin soon graced her features.  
  
"What gives, Mag?" whispered Malcolm baddock. "I haven't seen you this happy since you bribed one of Ravenclaw's beaters to steal you a pair of Cho Chang's used panties."  
  
Mag clapped a hand to her chest and shouted, "I'm keepin' my nails short for you, Cho Baby!"  
  
Snape chose not to speculate as to the meaning of *that*. She did it whenever Cho Chang's name was mentioned. He was pretty sure what the girl was getting at, and it was a mental image he could do without.  
  
In the meantime, Rosen was whispering in baddock's ear, and soon they were giggling too. Draco was trying to look aloof and superior, but the effect was more one of grumpy petulance.  
  
"If you would be so good as to contain yourselves," Snape said, as they approached a squat, windowless building on the outskirts of Hogsmeade. "We have arrived."  
  
The inside of the building was nearly as devoid of character as the outside. It was lit, not by candle or spell, but electric lamps. There was a double row of desks (perhaps twenty in all), each with a chair and a telephone. Students sat at perhaps a quarter of the desks, laying out tarot cards and chattering into the phones. From the desk where she sat, Lavender Brown caught Joel Rosen's eye and blushed.  
  
Something else Snape didn't want to think about.  
  
"You will each select a deck from our stack of spares," he gestured at a card table piled with an assortment of tarot decks, "and get on the phones. Lunch will be brought to you, and we'll be back at school in time for dinner."  
  
"Professor Snape?" asked Rosen. "Can I do I Ching instead? I know all the hexagrams by heart."  
  
Snape raised one eyebrow. "You have yarrow stalks on your person?"  
  
"Yarrow stalks! Everyone uses coins these days!"  
  
"Muggle charlatans perhaps. Here we try and maintain some purity of form."  
  
Rosen rolled his eyes.  
  
"So who gets the money?" Mag asked.  
  
"Money, Ms. Addams?"  
  
"Oh, come *on*. I know these operations rake in a pile. Do we get a cut?"  
  
Snape tried not to smile at the girl's audacity. "You are in detention Ms. Addams. You can't honestly think you will receive payment."  
  
"So who does get the money?" asked baddock.  
  
Snape noticed how alert Draco had gotten when money was mentioned.  
  
"It goes to the Hogwarts scholarship fund," he snapped. "Now, you will remember that all, or at least most, of your callers will be Muggles, so watch what you say. I'd recommend you stick with simple layouts, as you will be getting mainly simple questions." From simple people, he left unspoken. "Now, grab a deck and take your seats--and you three are not to sit together."  
  
Snape was a little surprised by the deck the Rosen boy grabbed without hesitation--the Thoth deck was his own personal favorite. Draco just grabbed the one that was closest. Addams and baddock, seeing the purple box with yellow lettering, shared an amused glance before selecting decks for themselves (with a bit more care.)  
  
Oh well, Snape thought wearily, I'll be bored sick if I don't. He grabbed the Palladini deck and sat himself down next to the Addams girl, hoping to cut down on her horsing around.  
  
"Ooo, you've got a lot of Major Arcana here," the girl was telling her first caller. "That means larger forces are at work in your life. The magician, reversed--you know what I'm talking about when I say you did the wrong thing, don't you? You knew it was wrong, you shouldn't misuse your abilities like that. And here, the devil; your caught in the snare you wove for him, and that's not very nice, is it?"  
  
Snape grudgingly admitted to himself that Mag Addams could rattle off a good string of patter. Draco caught his eye from across the room. The boy smiled slightly, and licked the tip of his ring finger, tilting his head to show off his bruised chin. Brat. He'd have to--  
  
The ring of his phone broke his half-pleasurable, half-vindictive reverie, and he snatched it up.  
  
"Yes?" Flip, flip of cards. "I see. Well, I'm sorry to be the one to tell you, but he definitely is. With," Flip, flip. "is the young blonde girl your sister or your daughter?" Flip. "No, in fact, he married you to get close to her. I'm sure you are upset. If you are so angry, why don't you just poison him?" A pause. "I'd recommend rhubarb leaves in your case, there easy to obtain." Flip, flip. "No, as a matter of fact, you'd certainly be caught and imprisoned." Another pause. "Well, if you want to be rid of him, you might have to pay a price, that's the way life is." A briefer pause. "Yes, but he doesn't love you, so why are you wasting your time?"  
  
In the meantime, Draco was floundering. "Let's see... you've got the Ace of, um, Questing, So you're gonna start a new project, something active. And the Three of, uh, Pattern, it shows that you're learning some kind of skill..." Snape tuned it out. It was too painful to listen to, even if Draco did look adorable when he was so acutely uncomfortable.  
  
Baddock and Rosen seemed to be doing fine. Too fine. He wished he'd chosen something else for their detention, but Dumbledore had been encouraging the phone bank, for the income it brought in. Snape didn't think it was enough of a punishment. Although young Mr. Malfoy certainly seemed to be having enough difficulty....  
  
"Uh... the Five of Primordialism... that means, let's see, you've got resources that you aren't using...."  
  
It was too much. Rising from his chair, he stormed across the room and snatched the phone out of the boy's hand. "Yes? Ah, I see. Well, if you really are having financial difficulties, what are you calling this number for?" He slammed the phone down and seized Draco by the elbow. "What was going through your head, child?" He looked at the box that Draco's cards were in. "The MAGE: The Ascension Tarot? Are you daft?"  
  
"Y-you said choose a deck," Draco whined.  
  
"Choose, not grab at random!" He dragged the boy over to the table stacked with Tarot decks. "Here. Hanson-Roberts. Ideal for a novice," he sneered. "Now try and be a little more useful." He gave Draco a shove back towards his seat.  
  
Before long, a delegation of house elves arrived with a platter of sandwiches. The students who had been manning the phones left leaving Snape alone with Rosen, Malfoy, baddock, and Addams.  
  
"You have ten minutes to eat some lunch," he said. "Then I want you back taking calls."  
  
The sandwiches were good. It seemed a shame to gulp them down. So after Snape made sure the students were finished eating in the span he'd allotted them, he savored his slowly.  
  
Not long after they'd finished eating, the students who were volunteering at the phone bank for the afternoon (Snape couldn't imagine anyone spending time here of their own free will, listening to people whine for hours on end, wanting you to give them shiny happy answers to questions they already knew the depressing answers to) strolled in. Ginny Weasley waved shyly at Malcolm Baddock, and Mag Addams leered openly at Parvati Patil.  
  
"You four aren't here to socialize," he barked. "Back to work!"  
  
Draco seemed to be doing marginally better with his new deck. "Let's see, the Nine of Cups, reversed....You've been trying to hold on to material possessions, but that's not what will really make you happy, and you're starting to learn that the hard way. The, um, Nine of Rods, here-- you've got your back against the wall, see? You need to figure out what really matters to you, and you're gonna have to fight for it."  
  
Well. A bit amateurish, but certainly an improvement. And he was concentrating, for a wonder. Much more attractive on him than his usual studied attempts at seductive posturing. His silvery-fair hair had drifted charmingly across his eyes, and the way he was craning his neck to read the cards exposed the sleek length of his ever-so-biteable neck...  
  
Enough of *that*. These desks were so cramped that if he got a hard- on he'd get stuck.  
  
"Okay, so who's the blond guy?" Mag was saying to her caller. "Yeah, the kind of aggressive one. He's got you in a real dilemma, I can tell! But not choosing is a choice too, remember that. You aren't looking inside yourself, you need to do that before you can make a clearheaded decision.  
  
  
  
The beastly little wench actually seemed to be enjoying this. The worst part was, Dumbledore would probably be pleased, and try to get her signed up as a regular volunteer, "Think of the good of the school, Severus," he could hear the headmaster say. "Your salary's got to come from somewhere, you know." And if the lecherous glances she kept shooting the Patil girl were any indication, she'd most likely agree. He rather hoped she would, in fact. Not only would it keep her out of his hair for a bit, but she'd probably convince Rosen and baddock to go with her.  
  
"Okay," he heard Rosen telling his caller, "I can see you're entering a phase of unrest. Your financial situation in particular is a bit unsettled, you've trusted someone you're starting to see you shouldn't. You need to get out of the situation...yes, physically! You need to *leave*..."  
  
"Oh!" gasped Parvati Patil into her phone. "The Knight of Swords reversed, the Ten of Swords.... I'm so sorry to have to say it, but this shows that you are in real danger...."  
  
Snape rolled his eyes. To his amusement, Draco, Joel, and Mag were doing the same. The Patil girl was too caught up in her own dire predictions to notice.  
  
"Okay, this is good and bad," Ginny Weasley was saying. "You've been putting all your efforts into getting a lot of money together, and there's this woman--the Queen of Cups, only she's reversed...."  
  
His own phone rang. "What do you want to know?" Flip, flip. "Yes, it appears that she is. Due in, oh..." Flip. "Early spring, I should say." Pause. Flip, flip. "It could be one of two men, actually." Flip. "One's a good bit older," Flip, "looks to be one of her teachers. As for the other," Flip. "He's closer to her age." Pause. Flip, flip. "He's, ah, very *similar* to her. She's known him, ahem, all of her life and most of his." Pause. "Well, there's no need to take that tone with me, *I* didn't raise her." He tossed the phone down in grim amusement.  
  
From across the room, he could hear Baddock chattering eagerly into his phone. "Oh, no, it's cool. It doesn't mean you're going to actually *die*...."  
  
Draco had another caller as well. "Let's see here.... The Fool. You haven't been looking before you leap.... you've kind of been trusting that your innocence would protect you. That's not true for you anymore, though... the Six of Swords reversed shows that things have been getting rougher for you, you're having to learn things the hard way. And the, uh, Ace of Cups... you're really gonna learn more about yourself, it's gonna help you get in touch with your emotions and everything, it'll make you more in control of yourself...."  
  
  
  
Finally, *finally*, the day was over. Honestly, detentions like this punished him more than the students. Mag, Joel, and Malcolm scampered off arm-in-arm, singing again.  
  
  
  
"My father makes counterfeit money  
  
My mother brews synthetic gin  
  
My sister sells kisses to sailors  
  
My God how the money rolls in!"  
  
Beastly children. He was glad to be shut of them for the day. He grabbed Draco by the collar as the boy made to leave.  
  
"What were you trying to prove with that little scene earlier?" he growled.  
  
"Scene?" Malfoy blinked up at him.  
  
Snape lowered his mouth to whisper into Draco's ear. "I don't appreciate you making a display of yourself like you did earlier. You were so eager to convince me of your willingness to please me; well, I'm warning you, that sort of thing displeases me intensely."  
  
"You mean when I was licking my finger?"  
  
"Yes, that. I don't want to catch you pulling that kind of stunt again."  
  
Draco smirked. "So, if I do, you'll punish me?"  
  
"No," Snape hissed, and seized Draco's neck briefly in his teeth. "If you do, I will *ignore* you. Do we understand each other?" 


End file.
